Woman: I saw Kirsten Dunst in the duty-free store buying Tylenol. Kiki's representatives insist the megastar's just fine, but eyewitness accounts say otherwise. And now, we enter day three of our Kirsten Dunst headache watch. Yee-haw! O'Brien: Uh-oh, J-Lo's new bow is a no-go on the phone-o, but take it from P.O., her new line of Day-Glo Faygo will make fans say ho. (cut to a naked Apu with Lynndie England holding a chain around his neck) Apu: I am so sorry I ever dared to question the wisdom and strength of the United States of America. (men hits Apu with their guns and then point their guns at him ) (cut to the Simpson family having a barbecue) Everybody: Happy birthday, America! Marge: Oh I hope Apu has learned his lesson. Apu: Oh for the love of my heathen god, they're called "French fries", you fat, stupid American! (a group of men in uniform burst through the doors) DHS Man: Department of Homeland Security, don't move! Apu: But. (cut to Homer and Apu inside the Kwik-E-Mart) Homer: Mornin', Apu. Black Guy: (offscreen) Whoo, Buddha's the way to go, jackass! Buddha: (drives up) Buddha's all up in your grill! (speeds away) O'Brien: Tired of their liberal shenanigans, Fox owner Rupert Murdoch fired Simpsons creator Matt Groening and promises same show, brand new attitude this season. Christ, please help us steer this camel! (taxi full of men drives up) Guy: Oh lord Jesus, we could really go for some cab fare. Man: Praise Jesus! Woman: (from afar) Mr. (cut to a couple in the desert with their car broken down) Man: Oh Jesus, please help us! Jesus! Jesus: I'm here. (raises his middle finger) This year's Amazing Race will be more amazing than ever now that religious deities are joining the action. O'Brien: The new Fall TV season is starting and The Insider has the scoop on all the new series.
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